Quote of the Day

"I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration."
Frida Kahlo

Haiti

It took me a while to blog about Haiti.

From the moment I heard, I knew, like many knew, how devastating this natural disaster could be for this small island nation even before the news reports and the images began to materialize. Being just about the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, I have to repeat what many have said, that the handling of Haiti could very well become another Katrina in many ways. However, it is important to note that many of the players are different. We shall see. So it is my hope and focusing much of my prayers that Haiti will heal from this, rebound and will become an even stronger nation than it already is and that it will become an even greater nation moving forward.

L'Union Fait La Force ("Unity Makes Strength")

Happy New Year - Happy New Decade

If the first decade of the millinieum was significant for any special reason at all, it would have to be the fact that the United States elected it's first black president. Not really attempting to look at the mess that was left him from the prior administration, a mess people are expecting him to 'clean-up' expediently - going forward we can only look up to what promises to be an interesting future for this country and the entire world. I'm looking forward to Gay Marriage being legal in all fifty states. I'm looking forward to Universal Healthcare in this country. I'm looking forward to the end of the use of the term 'immigrant' to define people who come to this country for the very same reason everyone else came here (at least the ones who came willingly) and for them to be naturalized equitably like everyone else "afforded" citizenship. I'm looking forward to the decrease in gay/lesbian/bi/trans bashing and stricter sentences against the perpetrators. I'm looking forward to a decrease (and elimination) in crimes against children and stricter sentences against the perpetrators. I'm looking forward to a decrease in the number of people of color in prisons, a decrease in women in prisons and to answers why pregnant women are in even in the prison system in the first place. I'm looking forward to less criminal acts (and elimination) against women, children and those locked inside 'the other' category internationally. I'm looking forward (and elimination) to a decrease in crimes against animals and stricter penalties against those who abuse and kill them. I'm looking forward to a greener planet and a reduced carbon footprint for all. I'm looking forward to food and clean water for all. I know I'm looking forward to a lot. I know I'm optimistic. But we must aim high to accomplish most things in life. Imagine if Obama never uttered the words, "Yes WE can." The "we" is very essential here.

In my opinion, the next nine years should be kinda fly.

Seeds are planted and it ain't even SPRING....

T will be five in two weeks. I have feelings about him being the only black person in his class. I struggle. But in this post-modern, Obama era I try and convince myself that raising this beautiful black male in the most honorable, the most intelligently responsible way, won't be so difficult in this interesting, blended mosaic, mock Utopian and tragically problematic place - which is the "United" States.

So why does T come home from school one day, upset - offended. I can see it in his face and his body language when he relates to me that some boys and girls in his class, he calls them each by name, are drawing pictures of him, images of him, behind bars - in jail. T is disturbed by this and he asks me is he going to jail. And I have to console him, promising him that this would never, ever happen to my sweet, delicate, pumpkin. But in the back of my mind, and I'm not pulling any class card by bringing up Skip Gates how tragically telling this is - almost a decade into the new millennium. Recognizing how real his fear is - is a miserable reality. Assaulting the innocence of children is such a shameful, hateful crime and I know the culprits are cruelly securing the privilege of their offspring. That T's classmates are already throwing him in that fucked-up, blatantly racist box -and these little minions are not even out of Kindergarten yet - makes me wonder what their family's dinner conversations are like.

God Bless Fucking America.

I LOVE a Good Reading

Not only was it standing room only but guests were literally lining the corridor outside the main room to listen to and for a glimpse of the line-up of writers for "In the Flesh," 4th Anniversary celebration. T'was a sexy crowd with tremendous writer feedback (which is great for the ego). And as promised, the treats, with a delightful emphasis on sweet and incredibly luscious cupcakes of all sizes ruled the palate (among other things, I'm thinking). Thanks to one of my fav editors of all time, Rachel Kramer Bussel for making it all possible.

Come Celebrate the 4th Anniversary of the "In the Flesh," Reading Series

I’m reading with the fabulous Miss Rachel Kramer Bussel along with an amazing line-up for the 4th Year Anniversary of “In the Flesh,” Reading Series. You’ll hear some delicious writing, nibble on tasty cupcakes and there will be some fantastic give-aways.

Don’t miss it!!!

The Details: In the Flesh Reading Series

When: Thursday, November 19, 2009

Where: Happy Ending Lounge
302 Broome Street, NYC
(btwn Forsyth & Eldridge)
Look for the hot pink awning that says XIE HE Health Club

Transportation: (B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Ave)

Admission: Free

Venue Website: Happy Ending Lounge

Facebook Invite: In The Flesh Facebook Page

Translove: Are we Ruled by Desire or Politics?

Last summer I wrote a piece on a friend's blog (Wanda Acosta's Starlette/Angels and Kings) about Translove and what some queer women I know felt about the notion of hooking up, being involved with and possibly falling in love with a trans-person. Since then, my views on trans-related issues have been enlightened considerably. At any rate, if you haven't read it already, I hope you enjoy the piece.

l

One evening I was sitting around with a bunch of friends having cocktails. We’re in our 30’s and better, artists mixed with professional women, well traveled, well read and well ensconced into our “lesbian” lifestyles. Most of us are either “married," in committed relationships or dating. After a few rounds, the atmosphere became more relaxed and we started talking shit, talking about how hot and how in shape we thought we were for our age, boasting about our libidinous pasts, bragging about all the hot women we’ve had or what we would do if we suddenly found ourselves single at this stage in our lives. Some insisted that dating again would be a blast. Others said they didn’t look forward to getting back into the scene where finding a suitable life partner might be highly problematic. Obviously inebriated, we delved into the possibilities of engaging in anonymous sex, threesomes, group sex, wondering if being in a polyamorous or open relationship would even be cute at 40? What being a divorced lesbian at 35 years of age with 2 children would look like with respect to finding love? The conversation went all over the place with a variety of different scenarios thrown into the intoxicating mix, but the real show stopper, the very thing that jolted the conversation was, would anyone date a transperson/transidentified/gender different and/or gender questioning individual?

Some exchanged these nervous stares, some shook their heads negatively while others didn’t hesitate with their “hell no’s.” Since I happened to be the one who tossed the topic into the ring in the first place, I needed to know why the hell no’s felt the way they did. Well, as expected, these forward thinking, well rounded women didn’t have very open minded explanations for their well executed hell no’s at all. In fact, most couldn’t even explain why they would never go out with someone who was trans-identified. They just knew that they wouldn’t.

Is it really just a matter of preference? Maybe. Personally I’ve always been fascinated with identity. I love all derivatives of female and masculine identities. From the highest, lipstick wearing, stiletto wielding fem to the hardest, deep voiced, dildo packing, butch swagger walking. Bi-sexual women? No problem. But dating a transperson transcends female/male identities as we know them, possibly redefining our own sense of identity in the process. Some would say I don’t mind going where many women wouldn’t dare to go. But this is more of a bigger statement about my own identity. I acknowledge the fact that I’m much more open than my peers. I’m willing to stretch my experiences to the limit, if there even is a limit. Variety being the spice of life is more than a notion to me. But the larger question is whether or not my choices or openness with respect to preferences is more of an unconscious political decision more than simply preference? Are the decisions of my friends to completely forgo even considering dating a transperson more about politics than preference and desire? Why is it so easy for them to knock something/someone they haven’t even tried? And to take it one step further is preference a form of discrimination? I guess the same argument could be had about race. Is dating people of one specific race about preference or is it unconsciously political? Are you discriminating against groups of people because of your racial preference? Or because you’re uncomfortable with gender fluidity? Just to pare all of this down, I think maybe I’m just one of those hopeless romantics who feels that you can’t help who you fall in love with. If you were deaf and blind and presented merely with the warmth, the touch and the essence of an individual and from that it was demonstrated to you how they would shower you with their unconditional love, their kindness, understanding and passion - suddenly, their race, their gender identity, their body, many characteristics would all be secondary.

I know what it’s like to be discriminated against. I’ve been called the N word and the D word to my face and behind my back. I’ve been chastised because of the way I wear my hair, my fashion choices, my music choices and even because I’ve dared to date butch or bi or big women. C’est la vie. I'm a proud African American woman, an out and proud lesbian whose dated those who considered themselves Black, White, Mixed Race, Latina, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, African, European, Middle Eastern. I’ve dated Buddhists, Christians, Jewish, Muslims, Atheists. I’ve dated Democrats, Republicans and Independents. I’ve dated skinny woman, athletically diesel to plus size. I’ve dated blue collar to white collar to no collar. I’m fairly worldly. I’ve been to five of the seven continents and I have a deep and committed curiosity about the world we’re living in. I’m in a long-term committed relationship of my dreams with a partner I couldn't imagine life without, in my own private version of a queer nuclear family. Couldn’t be happier. But if I ever found myself in the position of being single, would I ever date a FTM transperson? The answer would be absolutely! Why not? But, when the question was posed back to me would I ever date a MTF transperson, I was forced to go back to consider whether preference is political, based strictly on desire, or do I really discriminate? Suddenly this invisible line in the sand was drawn. So I wasn’t as open-minded as I claimed to be after all. Of course this propelled me to do some of my own quiet reflection. Who am I to judge anyone with respect to their politics, their preferences or who they are? Because it must be a beautifully, tumultuous combination of politics and preference that rule our desire. But I can't dismiss the fact that the little dirty word called discrimination must play some role in desire and preference whether or not we care to admit it. At least as far as I can tell.

Pardon my Absence

but my latest?

strangled by domesticity.

PANIC Comes to the New York Public Library

Hello People,

This is just a friendly reminder to come join a collection of cool, queer writers of color for an afternoon of literary magic at the New York Public Library - Jefferson Market branch. You can get up early Saturday morning, have a divine brunch in the Village with friends and head on over to the library about 2:30pm - Sixth Avenue and 11th Street. It's going to be a really fierce way to spend the afternoon.

Get the Details HERE:

PANIC! at the New York Public Library - Part 1

If you haven't heard me read, here is a remarkable opportunity in a stimulating setting. Charlie Vázquez is bringing his banging queer reading series PANIC! to the New York Public Library's Jefferson Market branch. Four delicious queer writers of color: Karen Jaime, Brandon Lacy Campos, Charlie Vázquez the host and myself will be there shaking things up in the name of queer lit.

Date:	Saturday, October 17, 2009
Time:	2:30pm - 3:30pm
Location:	Jefferson Market NYPL
Street:	425 6th Avenue at 10th Street
City/Town:	New York, NY

Come join us!!!

The Little Boy and His Purse

This morning was a beautiful, picture perfect, autumn Saturday. My son and I thought it was a nice idea to take walk. I had to run a couple of errands and we were in search of a 500 piece puzzle for him.

We were in the toy department of one of those lovely capitalistic conglomerates. Kids were running around from aisle to aisle just high from the kiddie crack that lined the shelves. My son was convincing me why he had to have Transformers/Power Rangers/Batman/Thomas the train - some toy of that ilk and not the puzzle we talked about earlier. In the meantime, I'm doing what I like doing, people watching. Son ran to an aisle where a mother and son stood, Mother, kneeling down, talking to her son in calming tone, negotiating a purchase of some Transformer type gadget. The little boy had to be the age of my son, maybe a little older. In the crook of his upward bent arm was the cutest brown little tapestry purse with a wooden handle - a sweet pink flower crocheted on the front of it. I smiled immediately, to myself, and to this Mom - whom seemed just like an average Mother raising her child in the city - not super cool or hip or anything. Just being a loving, accepting Mom. And I thought to myself - for a Mother to let her 5yr old son rock a purse - out in public too - was truly a beautiful thing.