Scribe Vibe

Happy New Year and All the Rest for 2012.

2012-01-21T13:48:00.003-05:00

So.

I've decided to be more dedicated to this blog. Because it deserves it.

First of all, I've finally decided to compile all of my erotic work into one anthology. You see, I figured it was only right, and only fair considering I think I need to take my focus elsewhere and doing a round-up of my erotic stuff I've written in the last ten years seemed most appropriate.

It will be named "On the Edge of FIRE: Erotic Shorts by R.C. Lloyd." Look for it. It will be self produced and self published as an ebook and hopefully there will be more to come after her.

In the meantime, I've been dabbling with this YA which has me in knots, fits and starts and, I've been laboring over four other works in progress that deserve more than just 'attention' - if you get my drift. But I promised myself that I will be far more productive than ever this year. Last year was just a test. Are you ready? Am I ready? We'll see.

Peace and Love Forever,
Rosalind

New Music: Nakia Henry

2011-09-14T06:26:00.005-04:00

Hey,

Check out this sister's video and page. Her name is Nakia Henry and she's FIRE!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q2oPL2os4M

Here's her site.
http://www.nakiahenry.com

And follow her on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/NakiaSaid

Marriage Equality in New York

2011-06-26T08:32:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling a range of emotion as I sit here and write this blog on this Gay Pride morning. It takes me back to a time many moons ago when I was this skinny little girl from the Bronx who dared to loc her hair,wear ripped jeans and combat boots while riding the subways of New York City, wanting to clutch her more dominant looking female lovers hand to taunts of "go wash your hair," or "what's up with your jeans?" It was about as daring as we could get for fears that we would be "figured out" and what one might perceive to be an innocent 'taunting' would turn into a full-fledged gay bashing. Despite these perceived threats, I remember not wavering from some form of righteous self-expression that in my eyes and my partners eyes, fell short of actually publicly coming out.

Fast forward some twenty years later. Times are changing. This week, we've witnessed another milestone for LGBTQ rights - New York has legalized gay marriage. It is a monumental occasion and an important one. That we've received the basic human right to marry the person that we love. Although many of us will be 'dancing in the streets' this afternoon in celebration, although many will be proposing to their partners, and a plethora of wedding announcements will begin to invade our in-boxes and snail mail and will become a way of life for us, we also know the fight for civil rights for our community still continues.

Regarding marriage, the protection of same sex couples and families is tremendously important. However, many are not aware that state passage of same sex marriage is limited and that DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act is what we truly need for our relationships and families to be recognized on a federal level. For many, to marry is a symbolic act but their are financial/economic implications one should be aware of. I suggest you google Tara Siegel Bernard's NYTimes piece entitled "How Gay Marriage will Change Couples Financial Lives" published June 24th for the details. You will discover that the fight for same sex marriage still has a distance to go for "Full equality."

But it's progress. My partner and I will most certainly "walk down the aisle," to prove our loving bond to each other. And we will take solace that our relationship will be recognized as one baring little difference to the relationships of our married, heterosexual friends. Our son, our family will be protected in ways they weren't before. This doesn't reduce the significance of living wills and trusts everyone. Remember Terry Schiavo. One can never have too much (legal) protection.

However, let's not rest on this victory when there is so much work to be done. As New York fought hard to push marriage equality through, there was a major push back from religious organizations actually fighting for the right to continue discriminating against us. This is beyond priceless when the Catholic Church continues to suppress a legacy of priests practicing pedophilia within ranks. Temples and synagogues attempts to police itself on similar allegations and the tithes of black churches are going to pay the victims of closeted preachers of mega churches. So its tantamount that faith-based communities join forces with LGBTQ organizations to meet some of these challenges head-on in an open and honest dialog. Because their refusal to acknowledge and deny our existence within and outside their organizations is at the height of hypo-criticism.

Challenges within the Workplace, International Rights and Immigration, the Military, Parenting, Hate Crimes, Coming Out, Youth, Aging, Health, Trans-gender issues remain big ticket issues for us, not to mention the sometimes illusive presence/inclusion of people of color within the framework.

So, let's celebrate with love in our hearts and minds. But let's also remember our struggle for civil rights continue. And a huge victory such as what New York has achieved this week will give us incentive that achieving our collective goals can happen. It also reminds us that our dreams are indeed possible in our lifetime.

Opening up 2011 on the "Wide Open" Seas

2011-01-23T12:53:00.012-05:00

I started the New Year with a vacation. There were a few reasons for the timing but one of the biggest reasons was that I found a remarkable deal on a 10-day cruise leaving from New York City.

I’ve traveled quite a bit but this would be my second cruise. The first was some fifteen years ago and one word to describe it would be forgettable. But this time would be different. My research was exhaustive. There is a plethora of information available online about cruising to the point it was almost overwhelming; however, I found a site that was not only comprehensive but it also had a message board for a variety of communities, including a fairly active board for its LGBT members. So the spoiler here is – this blog posting is NOT about my marvelous Caribbean adventure but more about a posting I responded to on this LGBT message board.

This board was incredibly resourceful. And for someone fairly new to the “cruise world,” it was beyond helpful with respect to all the areas it covered – from what to take and how to pack, to which cruise lines were more gay friendly, the difference between gay/lesbian cruise lines versus the alternative to what destinations to consider. Things were fine until the destination question popped up and there was considerable discussion about the island of Jamaica.

We all know that the world is not free from homophobia. And Jamaica has had its share of the spotlight due to its roster of reggae artists whose lyrics are rift with homophobic sentiment to a rash of violence inflicted upon its own alleged LBGT citizens. So I was not surprised to see the topic was raised on this message board regarding how unsafe the island was to LGBT tourists. Many spoke of their uncomfortable experiences while at port – everything from taunting and verbal humiliation to one poster suggesting that “a female prostitute grabbed his crotch.” While I agree that Jamaica is not the friendliest destination to those of us in the LGBT community but I was taken aback by the vitriol of some of the postings - for example, one poster made an off-color comment about Rastafarians and their “scent” and dare someone mention that their own experiences on this Island nation were far more pleasant than others. Clearly, Jamaica is not alone in its sheer ignorance with it's continued legacy of discrimination that seems to go unchallenged. And I felt that I had to post my own personal feelings on the subject:

With respect to the deep seated discrimination and homophobia within Jamaica specifically and what was suggested in other regions of the Caribbean - I am in complete agreement that these areas should be avoided and these countries should not benefit from "gay $$$" until some high level corrective action is taken in safeguarding LGBT tourists but also, measures should be taken and enforced to protect the rights of their own LGBT citizens. The taunting and harassment experienced by LGBT tourists is not as severe as the treatment experienced by the natives/citizens of these countries - treatment that often ends in the violent rape of lesbians and trans-gender individuals but also the murder of LGBT citizens - crimes that are rarely investigated/rarely prosecuted. Although this fact is obvious to some of us - it only serves to remind as that as US citizens - the fight to eradicate this type of persistent behavior through the years has been largely successful in this country with quite a distance to go I may add - however, the war to do so in other areas of the world, specifically in developing nations, is in its infancy (code word here: 'developing') and dare I mention the word “colonized” nations.

Sadly, discrimination is not something easily fought/eradicated and is something rather complex. I remember "coming out" back in the eighties and although I understood then that the great US of A wasn't necessarily the most accepting place for many, women and blacks specifically along with other groups who continue to fight for basic human rights. The homophobia I would face within my own community was another daunting issue inside of a community that was having its own growing pains just a couple of decades after the civil rights movement. But what I wasn't prepared for was the discrimination within the LGBT community itself and when I say discrimination I am speaking distinctively about racial discrimination. That was something I will never forget whether it was something as superficial as an awkward visit to a gay/lesbian bar to not seeing myself reflected in gay publications, literature, media, art etc. These days when the 'community' speaks of diversity, it is referring to Bears versus Chelsea/Muscle Queens versus Drag Queens versus economic/class differences versus political preferences, etc - often not necessarily referring to racial or gender diversity. Apologies for being long-winded but in other words, what I'm trying to say is no group is exempt from prejudice/discriminating/discrimination - and this is a somewhat vicious reality. What's going on in Jamaica needs to stop - without question - and threatening this nation by not giving them the “gay dollar” is not nearly enough because trust me, they wouldn’t miss it. But it’s been over twenty years since my coming out and although some things have improved for many within the LGBT community - to me it's obvious that some things remain the same for others.

Center Authors, NYC Latina Writers Group and PANIC present Womyn With and Without Voice

2010-12-13T19:30:00.005-05:00

Seasons Greetings All,

I have been given the honor by the ever talented Charlie Vazquez, once again, to present my work with an incredible group of women headed by Alicia Anabel Santos at the LGBT Community Center of New York in a program entitled Womyn Without Voices/Mujeres sin VOCES. Please come join us for a spectacular evening of prose/spoken word/theatre among friends for some artistic holiday spirit.

When: Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Where: The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center
Time: 6:30pm-9:30PM

PANIC presents Womyn Without VOICES /Mujeres sin VOCES

Peace and Blessings,

Best Blog Post regarding the Tea Party Agenda

2010-11-08T13:40:00.004-05:00

The Democratic Underground had the absolute best post I've seen on the agenda of the Tea Party.

Freepers, Birthers, Morons of all stripe, You didn't get mad...
You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.You didn't get mad when you saw the Abu Grahib photos.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when.. when... wait for it... when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick.

Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all ok with you but helping other Americans... well fuck that. That about right? You know it is. You people have all lost your fucking minds.

You are selfish, greedy, obnoxious, narcissistic, and frankly... stupid. Your pathetic little misspelled protest signs are embarrassing. Maybe you ought to find the smart person in your midst and let them make up all the signs, cause man, you look like a bunch of idiots. Also you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.

My Review of The Kids are Alright

2010-07-22T10:21:00.011-04:00

The KIDS ain’t alright.

And we can use the term “kids” loosely here, as, in black gay culture; the “kids” are in fact, the children, the gayness – the LGBT community. Now I’m not sure if Cholodenko was playing on words or not. I doubt it.

I think the Lesbian Mafia summed up their thoughts on the movie in a way I found particularly fascinating as I found it predictable:

“We are sick of movies and shows depicting “Lesbians” f*cking men. The End. And if the people who produce this kind of thing knew we wouldn’t just sit down and shut up and we’d hold them accountable, we could discourage it. It isn’t just a matter of a difference of opinion this film perpetuates the damaging myth that only men’s sexuality is certain and Lesbians are - not really Lesbians, especially when they are more feminine.”

It's slightly refreshing in the face of all the kudos Cholodenko and company has been receiving. This popularity promises to make her a very wealthy power dyke and I'm very happy for her. We can use more lesbians wielding a little power over in Hollyweird. As an artist, we open ourselves up to critical theory on our messages and processes when we produce a work. And along with the accolades, I'm sure she expected the lukewarm reception of her film by some within the community.

In short, the film is about a lesbian couple who've been together for twenty years who are parents of two well adjusted teenagers. The teens decide to search for their sperm donor who in turn ends up in bed (very easily I may add) with one of their Mom's, completely disturbing the family unit. Lovely, concept, isn’t it?

The film stars two of my favorite actresses, Annette Bening and Julianne Moore. And as expected, their performances were wonderful, especially Annette Bening who moved me every time she got screen time. Not only did she embody the character Nic, but I truly felt Nic's nuances, pain, loss and anxiety throughout the film.

Being in a relationship for many years with my partner in which we parent our child together, the movie touched many chords with me, mostly the complexities of a "marriage." No it's not easy, you could see this in the film but you could also see the deep love, the support, the foundation, the glue that held things together. On the surface, this seemed like a decent lesbian relationship - or just a decent relationship regardless of description. There are highs and lows and Cholodenko depicted this well. But underneath the surface?

The love between Bening and Moore seemed genuine like any other. Their individuality clashes were not unusual. They seemed somewhat affectionate enough. But I wanted to get into their bedroom. I wanted to see Bening and Moore demonstrate their attraction emotionally as well as physically. I wanted to see them get it on! So you want to know about the sex scenes? The one scene between Bening and Moore was absolutely horrendous. Details? You don’t want them. But I found it offensive, not only being a woman and a lesbian, but as a human being. The scene was despicable and poked holes in anything remotely erotic about lesbian sexuality. Moore was noticeably invisible in this scene and “butch” Bening (yes, the butches are a negative target) who seemed totally disinterested in the act with her gorgeous partner seemed more interested in watching the bad gay male porn they were using as a sex aid than banging her woman. Yes, lesbian bed death rears its lovely "head," here. Unfortunately, I think the overarching theme in all the sex scenes in this film is PENISES rule – whether they belong to straight or gay bodies. Doesn’t matter. I would retract this had there been at least one, loving, sexy scene between Moore and Bening when vaginas got a little airtime. Don't look for it.

Now there was ‘hot’ (and note I use the word hot very loosely here) sex. Those scenes involved Moore getting slayed by Ruffalo. We were treated to watching them in naked, sweaty, grunting action more than once – as if it were the best sex either of them have ever had. The point was over emphasized. I cringed a bit thinking the premise here was that Moore got fucked like most straight men believed a dyke should be fucked. And frankly, I was appalled. But I gotta say, the Lesbian Mafia had the same experience I did. Many straight couples in the theater, especially the men, got a kick out of the sex scenes – as they should. And by the way, there was another semi sex scene with Ruffalo and one of two persons of color in the film. A plot which was loaded on so many historically racial levels where Ruffalo is fucking his black female “employee,” a very young, very beautiful, natural sister (played by the gorgeous Yaya DaCosta) - who even suggested she would have a child by him???? (omg – chattel talk-Cholodenko, you gotta be kidding me). This plot could have been completely omitted. Is Cholodenko so insensitive enough not to see the racially, historical, colonial subtext here? Or maybe she knew. In many ways, this was probably one of the most fucked up parts about the film and it still kind of messes me up when I think about it. For that, she gets no pass from me.

And to have Moore fire the Latino gardener lying about him having a drug problem simply because he was privy to the knowledge this alleged lesbian was secretly being fucked to death by Ruffalo was a cheap shot - not to mention how disposable immigrant labor is. This was another plot in the film that was gratuitous and one we could have done without.

Remember the beginning seasons with Chaiken’s L-word where we had to sit through the subtle racist overtones in the few “of color” characters she tossed in? (note to white lesbian directors, if you use people of color in your projects, either show them with some dignity or just leave us out completely) I also can't forget how we were also assaulted by a barrage of men fucking lesbians. Thankfully she eased up on some of it but what I can deduce from it all is that the privilege of whiteness must mean that one must submit to the dominant culture in order to get your art produced, accepted and fed to the masses. Women and women’s sexuality are always represented as fluid as well as secondary to the power of male sexuality. And clearly people of color, if not exploited, should be erased entirely. Gay men are quite fortunate that that they don’t have to constantly be forced to watch a gay man being fucked by a woman. For lesbians, it’s an all too familiar reality in cinema which even in the 21st century we can't seem to escape. In Cholodenko's film, there were strong, even poignant points made with respect to lesbian families about love, relationships and parenting. It's a pity that it had to be co-opted by moments where the depictions of the values and feelings of marginalized groups had to be sacrificed in order to get these important points across.

Yes!!! Another Reading

2010-06-10T02:40:00.005-04:00

"I'm zipping up my boots, I'm going back to my roots,"

Come to the Bronx (to the place of my birth) for a wonderful line-up of OUT writers including yours truly at the AMAZING Bronx Academy of Arts and Dance. It promises to be a divine evening.

When: Thursday, June 10, 2010

Where: The Bronx Academy of Arts & Dance
841 Barretto Street
Bronx, New York

Time: 7:00pm - 11:00pm

For Reservations and more Info - Click HERE

Another Reading - Please Mark Your Calendar.

2010-04-21T15:51:00.007-04:00

I'm reading at Charlie Vazquez's monthly Panic Series entitled "Spring Fever Panic." Daniel Lopez, Lena Tsodikovich, Robert Smith of Brother, My Lover queer reading series and Stan Barber will be reading from his new book about Alexander the Great. We hope to dazzle you with tasty literary morsels. It promises to be a lovely time. And don't forget to personally congratulate Charlie on the recent publication of his new book Contraband - (and buy a copy too!)

Exciting times.

Date: Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Time: 7:45pm - 10:00pm

Location: Nowhere

Street: 322 E 14th St, (btwn 1st/2nd Aves)

City/Town: New York City

Never Forget

2010-03-26T09:46:00.010-04:00

It can be agreed that there is something wrong with a country where some of its citizens believe it a crime that everyone should have healthcare. Now I am a highly opininated person - but I'll tone down much of my personal perspective by simply saying that I believe the passage of healthcare reform is far bigger that we all can fully understand right now. A huge precedent continues its momentum moving forward with a central theme - equality for all - be it for healthcare, equality for the LGBT community - equality for 'immigrants'. I suppose when there is a perception that civil/human rights is somehow undermining capitalism and its underpinings - there is something else at work. And we don't have to look very far to see what that something else might be. Like the images I posted above and many of the others we've been exposed to from the earlier town hall rallies to present day on the Capitol - these images touched me in an intensely personal way. I'd like to share an experience with you.

I grew up in the Bronx where the Whitestone and Throggs Neck bridges converge. It was (and remains) a predominately white neighborhood where the blacks/latinos and a mixture of whites were segregated in one small section. It was the seventies. The relationships between Blacks/Latinos and the Italians, Irish and some Jewish was tense but for the most part, somewhat civilized (short of the mini race riot of 73 - another story for another time.) Because you see, as long as the people of color in the community patronized white businesses - whites were receptive to taking our money. In other words, we were tolerated. Tragically, a few decades later things have not changed in that area in the Bronx. See article below.

Edgewater and Silver Beach Gardens accused of discriminatory practices.

So one morning my brother and I are taking the bus to school. It's a morning like any other - many of the kids of color take the public buses to school, mixed with residents, morning commuters and other white kids - who for some reason can't walk to school, don't drive to school or other reasons. My brother and I always stand at the middle of the bus for an easy exit. On this day we were half way to school when we hear a commotion at the front of the bus. It was somewhat crowded but what I saw was a young black girl, younger than me, arguing with a pair of older white women. The ladies apparently asked the young girl to give up her seat and she refused. Naturally I noticed it was an unfair advantage that two adults were arguing with a young girl but when some of the other women on the bus joined in the argument and things were being said that should not be said to young children, in fact - to any one for that matter, I became frightened, just frozen with fear. Nigger, dirty nigger came out of these women's mouths in thick accents, which made the girl cower and cry. When they started to spit on her - globs of spit and mucous dripping from her face, in her hair, her clothing, I grabbed my brothers hand moving quickly toward the front of the bus, wrapping the young girl in my arms and demanding the bus driver let us off. And he did, right in the middle of the street. I will never, ever forget that moment for as long as I live.

So watching the news and videos of those people taunt and use hurtful, hateful words, threatening bodily harm, and excreting body fluids from their foul mouths to our government officials - it took me back to that moment in time on that bus in the Bronx. Back then, as an Eighth grader - if you told me that I would witness a Black President in my lifetime - I would have never believed you. But now that President Obama is in office - I have to say that I am not in disbelief over the actions of a very vocal, destructive point of view that still lives in America and might very well be thriving. There is some change we can believe in. But, unfortunately, some things never change.

untitled

2010-02-27T08:12:00.000-05:00

Excuse me while I kiss
Her thighs
Because my mind’s eye
Is paralyzed by

Oceans of freedom
Masquerading as
Acts of sin
Swathed in velvet
And silk
And ermine
Enveloping an
Enclosed openness
Of limitless possibilities

Sating an endless, angry hunger
Red as rage
Attempts at smoothing over
A restless, fearless spirit
That’s been tamed
Into a petulant
resentful
Quietness
Seeking the warmth
Of raw, unedited truths
And naked realities
Piercing
Like arrows
Dotted tips
Of poison

President Obama's First Year

2010-01-31T13:34:00.008-05:00

This was what our President was faced with back in 2009.

A crumbling domestic (and international) economy with our country nearly leaning toward another depression as it fought its way through a recession. Record levels of debt. Rising unemployment. A challenging healthcare system. An unfinished war in the Middle East. Continued terrorists threats. Gays insisting if a black man can be president then they should be able to get married and he’d better enable it soon. Tea baggers begging for their country back. Republicans shouting about bi-partisanship even though during eight years of Bush and Cheney - the words were never uttered. I’m truly amazed at the fact that certain segments of American society are actually angry at the President for not cleaning up this mess during the very first year of his term. With the unrealistic and frankly incredulous idea that President Obama was suppose to turn this country around in 365 days after almost 3000 days of destructive Republican policies is pure comedy. With the terms liberal and socialist being tossed about like dirty words, when will these certain segments of American society realize that the United States is probably the only Western nation that doesn’t have universal healthcare, free college tuition for its citizens and that welfare, which by the way, is not a terrible thing to offer to those in need.

I believe there is a deep fear, that President Obama will not only turn this country around, but, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, he will go down in history as probably the greatest Presidents that ever ruled these United States. Considering its' legacy, this will probably be the best thing to ever happen to this country.

Quote of the Day

2010-01-22T16:21:00.003-05:00

"I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration."
Frida Kahlo

Haiti

2010-01-17T14:08:00.006-05:00

It took me a while to blog about Haiti.

From the moment I heard, I knew, like many knew, how devastating this natural disaster could be for this small island nation even before the news reports and the images began to materialize. Being just about the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, I have to repeat what many have said, that the handling of Haiti could very well become another Katrina in many ways. However, it is important to note that many of the players are different. We shall see. So it is my hope and focusing much of my prayers that Haiti will heal from this, rebound and will become an even stronger nation than it already is and that it will become an even greater nation moving forward.

L'Union Fait La Force ("Unity Makes Strength")

Happy New Year - Happy New Decade

2010-01-08T12:05:00.011-05:00

If the first decade of the millinieum was significant for any special reason at all, it would have to be the fact that the United States elected it's first black president. Not really attempting to look at the mess that was left him from the prior administration, a mess people are expecting him to 'clean-up' expediently - going forward we can only look up to what promises to be an interesting future for this country and the entire world. I'm looking forward to Gay Marriage being legal in all fifty states. I'm looking forward to Universal Healthcare in this country. I'm looking forward to the end of the use of the term 'immigrant' to define people who come to this country for the very same reason everyone else came here (at least the ones who came willingly) and for them to be naturalized equitably like everyone else "afforded" citizenship. I'm looking forward to the decrease in gay/lesbian/bi/trans bashing and stricter sentences against the perpetrators. I'm looking forward to a decrease (and elimination) in crimes against children and stricter sentences against the perpetrators. I'm looking forward to a decrease in the number of people of color in prisons, a decrease in women in prisons and to answers why pregnant women are in even in the prison system in the first place. I'm looking forward to less criminal acts (and elimination) against women, children and those locked inside 'the other' category internationally. I'm looking forward (and elimination) to a decrease in crimes against animals and stricter penalties against those who abuse and kill them. I'm looking forward to a greener planet and a reduced carbon footprint for all. I'm looking forward to food and clean water for all. I know I'm looking forward to a lot. I know I'm optimistic. But we must aim high to accomplish most things in life. Imagine if Obama never uttered the words, "Yes WE can." The "we" is very essential here.

In my opinion, the next nine years should be kinda fly.

Seeds are planted and it ain't even SPRING....

2009-12-10T21:00:00.011-05:00

T will be five in two weeks. I have feelings about him being the only black person in his class. I struggle. But in this post-modern, Obama era I try and convince myself that raising this beautiful black male in the most honorable, the most intelligently responsible way, won't be so difficult in this interesting, blended mosaic, mock Utopian and tragically problematic place - which is the "United" States.

So why does T come home from school one day, upset - offended. I can see it in his face and his body language when he relates to me that some boys and girls in his class, he calls them each by name, are drawing pictures of him, images of him, behind bars - in jail. T is disturbed by this and he asks me is he going to jail. And I have to console him, promising him that this would never, ever happen to my sweet, delicate, pumpkin. But in the back of my mind, and I'm not pulling any class card by bringing up Skip Gates how tragically telling this is - almost a decade into the new millennium. Recognizing how real his fear is - is a miserable reality. Assaulting the innocence of children is such a shameful, hateful crime and I know the culprits are cruelly securing the privilege of their offspring. That T's classmates are already throwing him in that fucked-up, blatantly racist box -and these little minions are not even out of Kindergarten yet - makes me wonder what their family's dinner conversations are like.

God Bless Fucking America.

I LOVE a Good Reading

2009-11-22T09:47:00.004-05:00

Not only was it standing room only but guests were literally lining the corridor outside the main room to listen to and for a glimpse of the line-up of writers for "In the Flesh," 4th Anniversary celebration. T'was a sexy crowd with tremendous writer feedback (which is great for the ego). And as promised, the treats, with a delightful emphasis on sweet and incredibly luscious cupcakes of all sizes ruled the palate (among other things, I'm thinking). Thanks to one of my fav editors of all time, Rachel Kramer Bussel for making it all possible.

Come Celebrate the 4th Anniversary of the "In the Flesh," Reading Series

2009-11-19T10:21:00.007-05:00

I’m reading with the fabulous Miss Rachel Kramer Bussel along with an amazing line-up for the 4th Year Anniversary of “In the Flesh,” Reading Series. You’ll hear some delicious writing, nibble on tasty cupcakes and there will be some fantastic give-aways.

Don’t miss it!!!

The Details: In the Flesh Reading Series

When: Thursday, November 19, 2009

Where: Happy Ending Lounge
302 Broome Street, NYC
(btwn Forsyth & Eldridge)
Look for the hot pink awning that says XIE HE Health Club

Transportation: (B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Ave)

Admission: Free

Venue Website: Happy Ending Lounge

Facebook Invite: In The Flesh Facebook Page

Translove: Are we Ruled by Desire or Politics?

2009-11-04T01:05:00.026-05:00

Last summer I wrote a piece on a friend's blog (Wanda Acosta's Starlette/Angels and Kings) about Translove and what some queer women I know felt about the notion of hooking up, being involved with and possibly falling in love with a trans-person. Since then, my views on trans-related issues have been enlightened considerably. At any rate, if you haven't read it already, I hope you enjoy the piece.

One evening I was sitting around with a bunch of friends having cocktails. We’re in our 30’s and better, artists mixed with professional women, well traveled, well read and well ensconced into our “lesbian” lifestyles. Most of us are either “married," in committed relationships or dating. After a few rounds, the atmosphere became more relaxed and we started talking shit, talking about how hot and how in shape we thought we were for our age, boasting about our libidinous pasts, bragging about all the hot women we’ve had or what we would do if we suddenly found ourselves single at this stage in our lives. Some insisted that dating again would be a blast. Others said they didn’t look forward to getting back into the scene where finding a suitable life partner might be highly problematic. Obviously inebriated, we delved into the possibilities of engaging in anonymous sex, threesomes, group sex, wondering if being in a polyamorous or open relationship would even be cute at 40? What being a divorced lesbian at 35 years of age with 2 children would look like with respect to finding love? The conversation went all over the place with a variety of different scenarios thrown into the intoxicating mix, but the real show stopper, the very thing that jolted the conversation was, would anyone date a transperson/transidentified/gender different and/or gender questioning individual?

Some exchanged these nervous stares, some shook their heads negatively while others didn’t hesitate with their “hell no’s.” Since I happened to be the one who tossed the topic into the ring in the first place, I needed to know why the hell no’s felt the way they did. Well, as expected, these forward thinking, well rounded women didn’t have very open minded explanations for their well executed hell no’s at all. In fact, most couldn’t even explain why they would never go out with someone who was trans-identified. They just knew that they wouldn’t.

Is it really just a matter of preference? Maybe. Personally I’ve always been fascinated with identity. I love all derivatives of female and masculine identities. From the highest, lipstick wearing, stiletto wielding fem to the hardest, deep voiced, dildo packing, butch swagger walking. Bi-sexual women? No problem. But dating a transperson transcends female/male identities as we know them, possibly redefining our own sense of identity in the process. Some would say I don’t mind going where many women wouldn’t dare to go. But this is more of a bigger statement about my own identity. I acknowledge the fact that I’m much more open than my peers. I’m willing to stretch my experiences to the limit, if there even is a limit. Variety being the spice of life is more than a notion to me. But the larger question is whether or not my choices or openness with respect to preferences is more of an unconscious political decision more than simply preference? Are the decisions of my friends to completely forgo even considering dating a transperson more about politics than preference and desire? Why is it so easy for them to knock something/someone they haven’t even tried? And to take it one step further is preference a form of discrimination? I guess the same argument could be had about race. Is dating people of one specific race about preference or is it unconsciously political? Are you discriminating against groups of people because of your racial preference? Or because you’re uncomfortable with gender fluidity? Just to pare all of this down, I think maybe I’m just one of those hopeless romantics who feels that you can’t help who you fall in love with. If you were deaf and blind and presented merely with the warmth, the touch and the essence of an individual and from that it was demonstrated to you how they would shower you with their unconditional love, their kindness, understanding and passion - suddenly, their race, their gender identity, their body, many characteristics would all be secondary.

I know what it’s like to be discriminated against. I’ve been called the N word and the D word to my face and behind my back. I’ve been chastised because of the way I wear my hair, my fashion choices, my music choices and even because I’ve dared to date butch or bi or big women. C’est la vie. I'm a proud African American woman, an out and proud lesbian whose dated those who considered themselves Black, White, Mixed Race, Latina, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, African, European, Middle Eastern. I’ve dated Buddhists, Christians, Jewish, Muslims, Atheists. I’ve dated Democrats, Republicans and Independents. I’ve dated skinny woman, athletically diesel to plus size. I’ve dated blue collar to white collar to no collar. I’m fairly worldly. I’ve been to five of the seven continents and I have a deep and committed curiosity about the world we’re living in. I’m in a long-term committed relationship of my dreams with a partner I couldn't imagine life without, in my own private version of a queer nuclear family. Couldn’t be happier. But if I ever found myself in the position of being single, would I ever date a FTM transperson? The answer would be absolutely! Why not? But, when the question was posed back to me would I ever date a MTF transperson, I was forced to go back to consider whether preference is political, based strictly on desire, or do I really discriminate? Suddenly this invisible line in the sand was drawn. So I wasn’t as open-minded as I claimed to be after all. Of course this propelled me to do some of my own quiet reflection. Who am I to judge anyone with respect to their politics, their preferences or who they are? Because it must be a beautifully, tumultuous combination of politics and preference that rule our desire. But I can't dismiss the fact that the little dirty word called discrimination must play some role in desire and preference whether or not we care to admit it. At least as far as I can tell.

Pardon my Absence

2009-10-30T12:14:00.000-04:00

but my latest?

strangled by domesticity.

PANIC Comes to the New York Public Library

2009-10-14T11:53:00.006-04:00

Hello People,

This is just a friendly reminder to come join a collection of cool, queer writers of color for an afternoon of literary magic at the New York Public Library - Jefferson Market branch. You can get up early Saturday morning, have a divine brunch in the Village with friends and head on over to the library about 2:30pm - Sixth Avenue and 11th Street. It's going to be a really fierce way to spend the afternoon.

Get the Details HERE:

PANIC! at the New York Public Library - Part 1

2009-10-04T11:48:00.004-04:00

If you haven't heard me read, here is a remarkable opportunity in a stimulating setting. Charlie Vázquez is bringing his banging queer reading series PANIC! to the New York Public Library's Jefferson Market branch. Four delicious queer writers of color: Karen Jaime, Brandon Lacy Campos, Charlie Vázquez the host and myself will be there shaking things up in the name of queer lit.

Date:	Saturday, October 17, 2009
Time:	2:30pm - 3:30pm
Location:	Jefferson Market NYPL
Street:	425 6th Avenue at 10th Street
City/Town:	New York, NY

Come join us!!!

The Little Boy and His Purse

2009-10-03T12:32:00.005-04:00

This morning was a beautiful, picture perfect, autumn Saturday. My son and I thought it was a nice idea to take walk. I had to run a couple of errands and we were in search of a 500 piece puzzle for him.

We were in the toy department of one of those lovely capitalistic conglomerates. Kids were running around from aisle to aisle just high from the kiddie crack that lined the shelves. My son was convincing me why he had to have Transformers/Power Rangers/Batman/Thomas the train - some toy of that ilk and not the puzzle we talked about earlier. In the meantime, I'm doing what I like doing, people watching. Son ran to an aisle where a mother and son stood, Mother, kneeling down, talking to her son in calming tone, negotiating a purchase of some Transformer type gadget. The little boy had to be the age of my son, maybe a little older. In the crook of his upward bent arm was the cutest brown little tapestry purse with a wooden handle - a sweet pink flower crocheted on the front of it. I smiled immediately, to myself, and to this Mom - whom seemed just like an average Mother raising her child in the city - not super cool or hip or anything. Just being a loving, accepting Mom. And I thought to myself - for a Mother to let her 5yr old son rock a purse - out in public too - was truly a beautiful thing.

Quote of the Day

2009-09-29T11:54:00.002-04:00

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”
Audre Lorde

Hispanic Heritage Month: Hispanic Panic Reading

2009-09-18T15:13:00.006-04:00

Come celebrate with supreme literary genius Charlie Vazquez and a fabulous line-up of writers that include Claudia Narvaez-Meza, Robert Vázquez-Pacheco, Maegan La Mala Ortiz, Erasmo Guerra, Cristy Road and Brandon Lacy Campos. I promise you it's gonna be hot!

Date: Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Nowhere
Street: 322 E 14th St (btwn 1st/2nd)
City/Town: New York City

Here's Charlie's Facebook link for additional information including how you can sign-up for his monthly readings at Nowhere.

See you there!!!

Is it ME or is There a Noticeable F'ed Up Trend Occuring in the Media of Late Regarding Black Women in Professional Sports???

2009-09-14T17:30:00.014-04:00

As some of you may or may not know, I've been following the Caster Semenya story and continue to be sickened by the developments. Reports that she's been placed on suicide watch (story) continue to confirm that her right to privacy has been recklessly and literally ripped away from her. It's beyond disgusting.

Then, when the Serena Williams story hit - where Miss Thing allegedly threatened to shove a tennis ball down the throat of a line judge because of a real shitty call - I, like many people, had to prepare myself for the onslaught of negative press that was sure to follow Miss Williams and her "actions." So thankfully, I follow a very cool Twitter gang (thank you B.L.) that keep me well informed of some interesting critical thought on thangs. My new blog fav is (Queer) Bully Bloggers. Jack Halberstam wrote a piece on Venus, Caster and the distorted media coverage of female black bodies and the blatant double standards that plague black female athletes so intellectually hot it made my toes curl. I am thankful that my pain and suffering on this issue has been somehow validated. Here's the piece called Match Points. It's brilliant. I'm also posting another piece Bully Blogger Tavia Nyong’o wrote on Caster called The Unforgivable Transgression of Being Caster Semenya. You folks @ BB ROCK in my book.

Regarding the Blatant Disrepect for this particular President of these United States

2009-09-10T11:50:00.001-04:00

Finally, a journalist has indicted the media in the current anti-Obama fray.

Link.

Quote of the Day

2009-09-07T13:26:00.001-04:00

"I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers.”
Kahil Gibran

Dr. Toni Morrison

2009-09-04T12:27:00.003-04:00

Last month I had the privilege of attending a reading where Dr. Morrison talked about her latest masterpiece, "A Mercy." As always, she had the standing room only crowd transfixed with her carefully worded pearls of wisdom. Visiting a dear friend's blog reminded me how powerfully moving her quotes are. Right now, here's my favorite by her.

"When there is pain, there are no words. All pain is the same. "

CASABLANCA: Play It Again by Christian Wikane

2009-08-18T12:13:00.005-04:00

Donna Summers, Cameo, KISS, Parliament - all were signed to Casablanca Records. My friend, musical journalist Christian Wikane has done an exemplary job chronicling the history of this very important label on PopMatters which includes soul searching interviews with many of its artists. I encourage you to take a peek, while he takes us back to a wonderful and awe-inspiring time in music history.

PopMatters

Go and hug your "Michael" by Maya Angelou.

2009-08-17T09:10:00.008-04:00

When a friend sent this poem to me - I felt I had to post it for my own personal reasons. Enjoy!


Go and hug your "Michael" by Maya Angelou.

Yesterday I cried watching the Michael Jackson memorial. I cried for a
little Black boy who felt the world didn't understand him.

I cried for a little black boy who spent his adulthood chasing his
childhood.  And I thought about all the young black boys out there who may feel
that the world doesn't understand them.

The ones who feel that the world does not understand their baggy jeans,
their swagger, their music, their anger, their struggles, their fears or the
chip on their shoulder.  I worry that my son, may too, one day feel lonely in a wide,
wide world.

I cried for young children of all colors who may live their life feeling
like a misfit, feeling like no one understands their perspective, or their
soul. What a burden to carry.

As a mother, I cried for Katherine Jackson because no mother should
ever bury a child. Period. And I think about all the pain, tears and
sleepless nights that she must have endured seeing her baby boy in
inner pain, seeing him struggle with his self- esteem, and his insecurities
and to know that he often felt unloved. Even while the world loved him
deeply.

How does it feel to think that the unconditional love we give as mothers
just isn't enough to make our children feel whole?  I wonder if she still
suffers thinking, "What more could I have done?" Even Moms of music
legends aren't immune to Mommy guilt, I suppose.

When Rev. Al Sharpton (who always delivers one "Awesome" funeral
speech), said to Michael's children " Your Daddy was not Strange . ... . .
It was strange what your daddy had to deal with" I thought of all of the
strange things of the world that my children would have to deal with.
Better yet, the things I hope they won't ever have to deal with anymore.

And as a mother raising a young black boy, I feel recommitted and yet a
little confused as to how to make sure my son is sure enough within
himself to take on the world. Especially a "strange" one. To love himself
enough to know that even when the world doesn't understand you, tries
to force you into it's mold or treats you unkindly, you are still beautiful,
strong, and Black. How do I do that?

Today, I'm taking back "childhood" as an inalienable right for every brown
little one.  In a world that makes children into "booty-Shakin", mini-
adults long before their time,  I'm reclaiming the playful, the innocent,
run-around outside, childhood as the key ingredient in raising confident adults.
Second, I will not rest until my little black boy, My Michael, knows that
his broad nose is beautiful, his chocolately brown skin is beautiful, and his
thick hair is beautiful.  And nothing or no one can take that away from him.

Now, ain't we Bad, ain't we Black, and ain't we Beautiful!

Maya Angelou

Death by Desire

2009-08-15T09:06:00.003-04:00

Death By Desire

Rosalind Christine Lloyd

(its okay....its just a damn moment in time)

Incantations of “this ain’t no funeral,”

Whispering

Over and over again

As the slippery knot of

That disease called

Procrastination

Lodges itself

Inside a barren and wasted mind

Blocking any possibilities of release

The rumbling of repressed opportunities

Crowded by the weight of doubt

Swallowed by the heaviness of regret

Overwhelmed and burdened by aimless, shapeless, insatiable, haunting reminisce

Scratching, clawing out from beneath a reality one convinced is not their own

Quote of the Day

2009-08-03T11:29:00.004-04:00

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. "
Rumi

Ladies and Gentleman, Miss Grace Jones

2009-08-01T21:57:00.003-04:00

My new favorite quote, by Grace Jones.

"I can’t self-destruct if I’m vain."

Watch her FABULOUS performance of HURRICANE at the Hammerstein on Thursday evening. The Queen Diva served it.

E. Lynn Harris - We'll miss you

2009-07-24T13:35:00.009-04:00

Harris was a huge inspiration to me for many reasons. He helped put contemporary Black literature in many more hands and he cast an important light on Black Gay Literature specifically. I'm eternally grateful for his trailblazing. Oh so very young, but his legacy will live on.

Quote

2009-07-24T09:52:00.002-04:00

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic."
Anais Nin

HOPESTOCK @ SOB's this Sunday, July 26th with the divine Ms. NONA HENDRYX!!!

2009-07-23T10:47:00.006-04:00

I was absolutely DELIGHTED by the invitation from the always wonderful music journalist and producer Christian Wikane to record a Hopestock video snippet yesterday during a beautiful sunny afternoon in Union Square Park. Once the video is up on YouTube I will post it here. Go support HOPESTOCK!!!

President Obama Criticizes Arrest of a Harvard Professor

2009-07-23T09:20:00.009-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/23/us/23race.html?_r=1&hp

Thank you, Mr. President, for keeping it real. Because EVERYBODY knows, like it or not, he's right. If he got caught trying to "break-in" to his own pad on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW - po-po would surely bust a million caps in his ass.

Murder Rate Against Trans People is Rising

2009-07-22T10:04:00.011-04:00

In a report out of Washington D.C. - 200 transgendered people were murdered between January of 2008 and June 2009 - which means - every three days a transgendered person is killed somewhere in the world.

What's even more chilling about this report is that while Brazil seems to be the most dangerous place for transgendered people reporting almost 60 murders last year - the second most dangerous place is the United States with 16 trans murders. Shameful news, just shameful.

My Interview with the beautiful Brandon Lacy Campos on his blog "My Feet Only Walk Forward." Rippin' Gender and Writi' Sex

2009-07-21T12:28:00.007-04:00

Rippin

Shared via AddThis

One thing I love about what I do as a writer is having the opportunity and the privilege of meeting the most wonderfully talented, gifted, generous, supportive and (not to mention gorgeous) like-minded artists. This year I was fortunate enough to be a part of Charlie Vazquez's fantastic monthly literary series PANIC at Nowhere in the East Village. This series rocks - and is a MUST to check out.

The incomparable Brandon Lacy Campos - poet, playwright, journalist, and life commentator, who was named #2 Queer Latin Blogger on the Web by MiApogeo.Com was one of the amazing writers on the Double Pride Panic reading. We realized we have a special affinity for each others writing style and Brandon graciously interviewed MOI, yes me, for his website. I hope you enjoy it - and make sure you subscribe to his site to follow Brandon and all his titillating updates!!! His musings on life, love, politics (and his tasty recipes) should be a part of your daily diet.

Please comment here and let me know what you think about my interview. I'm DYING to know :)

All-Black Italian Vogue Returns — With Barbie

2009-07-21T11:18:00.012-04:00

Okay. Italian Vogue "dedicates" another issue to Black Models because of the continued lack of color on the hottest runways. A black model is NOT even on the cover and the "supplement" is a promo for Black Barbie dolls???? Not one beautiful chocolate or butterscotch face in the issue? Hey Vogue, why even bother in the first place? Really.......

Old School or Old Fool?

2009-07-20T12:09:00.016-04:00

Enjoying the last, few relaxing moments of my beach vacation - I had one of the most, unpleasant, uninteresting conversations of the week.

A woman, a writer, lesbian and obvious baby boomer decided to engage me in a conversation about her observation of the changing "face" of Cherry Grove, Fire Island. I know what you might be thinking....sounds like changing "complexion," doesn't it? For those of you who may not know, besides Provincetown, Fire Island - both Cherry Grove and the Pines have been a beach vacation destintation for many in the Northeast LGBT community for many years. Where the Pines attracts a predominately upscale, gay male vibe, Cherry Grove attracts more women, drag queens and LGBT snow birds. She asked if I had walked along the beach lately and have I gone into town. I said yes I have. She then asked me if I noticed the new "variety" of people that have descended on the Island. I didn't have to ask her what she meant by variety because she volunteered that she was referring to "people of different races, younger people (was she referring to children - MY child? or gay teens?), people from different socio-economic backgrounds, and different orientations (different as in not "gay"). Lot's of straights." My jaw dropped just a little. Clearly, I seemed to be one of those 'different' people she was referring to as she asked me next - was it my first time out on Fire Island. I laughed. And I told her that I'm a native New Yorker and that I've been coming out to Fire Island - off and on - for nearly twenty years. I could have continued to go on - but I asked myself - why waste my time educating an "old head." I thought her sad and hoped that she was a part of a dying breed. Going into town myself later on that evening, my party and I decided to dine al fresco at the local pizza parlor. It was a beautiful, balmy night and from the outdoor dining area you can watch folks either board or disembark from the ferry. Sitting beside us was a table of eight, which consisted of white, black, latino, mixed, male, female, straight, gay, and otherwise and a few kiddies tossed in. I wondered, what is wrong with this picture? Not a damn thing. And when I thought deeper about it, maybe 20 years ago there wasn't a lot of folks "mixing" on Cherry Grove like there are today. There wasn't a lot of children of queer families either - but to me, that table represented the future of this country. With the support of straight folks, queer folks can successfully achieve the right to marry. What's the problem if straights actually want to vacation in predominately Gay venues? My son's classmates and playmates (almost all are not of color and even more are hetereosexual) see that he has same sex parents and his home life is just as ordinary as their own. It is their generation that will be even more supportive of rights for gays to marry, to adopt, and have the same rights as other human beings of this great country of ours.

Back to Old Head.

Despite her dated point of view, she is not alone. My partner recently attended a conference attended by prominent lawyers and judges. On the panel on race, one of the conference participants turns to her and says, "now that you have YOUR (black) president - you have obviously overcome." This was from an ivy league educated legal-minded individual. With Affirmative Action being the usual explanation for the Obama's and the Sotomayer's of the world and a huge black and latino underclass who hardly feels the affects of any upwardly mobility - how can anyone actually believe that we live in a country that is now suddenly color-blind, class neutral, gender-neutral and is open and accepting to various sexual orientations - just because there is a black president in office? I don't know, but I'm hopeful that my son's generation and those after him will be able to correct the wrongs, the evils and the extensive discriminatory and prejudicial damage of generations prior in a much easier, more fair, more accepting way. It would be nice if children can go to the beaches and swimming pools of this melting pot of the U.S.A. and one day, not be judged by the color of their skin, the gender of their lovers or the orientation of their parents - but - the content of their character. Someday....

no I didn't take the summer off but I am on vacation.

2009-07-19T12:52:00.003-04:00

The King of Pop

2009-06-26T22:30:00.000-04:00

Michael Jackson died yesterday.

Speechless.......

Pride Reading

2009-06-11T10:20:00.003-04:00

DOUBLE PRIDE PANIC!
*twice the charm*

Charlie Vázquez and NOWHERE are excited to present DOUBLE PRIDE PANIC! -- a Pride Week reading featuring writers and poets of color Brandon Lacy Campos, Rosalind Lloyd, Ian Rafael Titus, Vincent Lofton, Claudia Narvaez-Meza and Taylor Siluwé, who will be reading from his new fiction collection, "Dancing with the Devil". Come celebrate with us!

Date: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 9:30pm
Location: NOWHERE
Street: 322 E 14th St (btwn 1st/2nd Aves)
City/Town: New York, NY

understated beauty......

2009-06-09T15:51:00.002-04:00

There is something about the understated beauty of Canada.

(photo taken in the garden of a retreat in Quebec late summer 2008)

Quote

2009-06-06T16:55:00.002-04:00

"The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others."
Friedrich Nietzsche

The Blacks, The Gays, And Prop 8. Weighing in on Race and Same Sex Marriage

2009-06-03T15:24:00.035-04:00

Barely opening my eyes one morning, exactly one week ago today, I switched on the news. Watching Judge Sonia Sotomayer accept the nomination to the Supreme Court was a high way to start the day. For Hispanics, for women, for my fellow Bronx-ites (BX – stand-up!) for “marginalized groups,” this was a step in the right direction for all American people. I was thoroughly elated. However, the news that followed was not so positive. The report was on the California high court’s decision not to reverse the ban on same sex marriage. All eyes were on Cali. With the ban in place, I thought, what could this mean for New York – with its own battle coming up in the not so distant future? As a native New Yorker, its easy to take certain things for granted since I live in a city with a high concentration of liberals. Like California, known for its own open minded, cosmopolitan/metropolitan enclaves like Los Angeles and San Francisco – what we tend to forget about is the high concentration of conservative-minded suburban to rural areas that make up large portions of these two states. And these voters bare no or at least little resemblance to their more “hip,” urban, more tolerant neighbors.

So my early news high was cut short by the disappointing news – one step forward, one step back. My partner and I have been together for many years, sharing a home together with our son (and our treacherous terrier). The recent Prop 8 ruling continues to remind us that our family is not equally protected and that certain decisions by law are unfair and unjust. Even in this day and age, citizens of these United States are not given the same rights and protections as other American citizens. It’s something women and people of color are no stranger to.

That night there were protests all around the nation – and the local news channel covered one such protest that took place one neighborhood over from my own. The footage showed a legion of protestors taking it to the streets to protest the decision. The reporter began interviewing one of the protestors – a middle aged man carrying his toddler in his arms. When the reporter pressed him on what he thought about the courts decision, he quipped, “It all boils down to one thing – this is racism. Pure and simple.” I leaned in closer to the flat screen to see if I could make out the expression on this guy’s face to see if he was for real. He was dead serious.

Since when is homosexuality considered a race? Did I miss something?

Okay – maybe I should give the protester the benefit of the doubt and say – perhaps he meant racism is synonymous with homophobia. Well, being that I have experienced both forms of discrimination in my life time, I believe I am more than qualified to testify to the fact that although similar, both are uniquely different experiences. Said differently, although there are obvious parallels between the Black Civil Rights Movement and the LGBT’s community’s struggle for Equal Rights, there is an unavoidable amount of evidence supporting the fact that this alignment of the two movements trivializes the potency and the profound cultural significance of the Black Civil Rights Movement and its deep, centuries old roots – pregnant with its connection to colonialism, slavery, racism, exploitation, torture, discrimination and beyond. Certain segments of the white LGBT elite denies its obvious access to its own white privilege, carelessly co-opting much of the language of the Civil Rights movement to advance the same sex marriage agenda – diminishing the importance of a critically, painful piece of American history in the process.

To watch how this entire Prop 8 scenario plays out is terribly interesting. Since the initial passage of the proposition there has been a considerable groundswell of renewed determination within the LGBT community to increase support for same sex marriage. It has now become the community’s most galvanized effort since the push became a central issue some years ago; so aggressive its reminiscent of the grass roots efforts put forth during the AIDS crisis during the 90’s with rallies, marches, fundraising drives, etc. It’s almost like November 2008 became something of a wake-up call for the community – which is a somewhat different attitude PRE to POST Election Day 2008. Am I the only one to notice this?

I’ve surfed the web checking out the coverage of Prop 8 and my research has been quite interesting. For example, one gay website which published several stories on the subject, one in particular caught my eye, titled something like “California Decision brings the issue of Race and Gay Divide to the Forefront Again.” While I won’t give an analysis of their POV, I did want to highlight a posting in response to the piece – where the poster declared, “Strange how homosexuals think of Latinos and Afro-Americans as their natural allies.” (sidebar - it really did read AFRO-American...I'm serious). Oh really? Since when? Segregation in gay & lesbian bars, organized groups, etc., continues even today in the 21st century. I hate to admit this, but there isn’t this extensive amount of racial mixing between white and people of color gays and lesbians even in the most sophisticated cities like NYC and LA. Yes, much of this is voluntary, but to me, it is still a startling fact to absorb. You can easily walk into a club in New York City that is almost entirely Black or White or upper-class - etc. Over fifteen years ago, as a young, free-lance journalist, I covered stories about gay and lesbian bars implementing the racist procedure of “carding” people of color before allowing them entrance. There continues to be minimal representation of people of color in LGBT publications (both in their editorial staff and in marketing and advertising), websites, along with minimal representation in the upper echelons of LGBT organizations. I consider it offensive to say that there is so-called unity between persons of color with the organized, largely white LGBT “elite,” when this is not totally the case. Coming out as a black, lesbian - I’ve experienced my share of racial antagonism from members of the LGBT community in a variety of social settings. Many times it was just awkward and uncomfortable but for the most part I didn’t feel the warm and fuzzy welcome. Now this was many years ago and things have certainly changed and I’m not suggesting at all that the cadre of LGBT movers and shakers have racist sentiments. But to imply that a portion of the white LGBT elite isn’t racist at all is absurd (I'll refer those who don't know to the blogs of Andrew Sullivan Dan Savage). Their response to the initial passage back in November - targeting blacks with racist venom because of their overwhelming support of Prop 8 was no surprise to me. It was, in fact, predictable. So taking this into account, I understand that I am neither warmly welcomed within the "white" LGBT elite or within the Black community completely. This really sucks. But it helps to know who my enemies are and who they continue to be.

One of my absolute favorite bloggers of all time, Jasmyne Cannick, pretty much summed up perfectly the problem with the “elite” LGBT community and its handling of Prop 8.

THE PROBLEM:
Strong feelings of entitlement, refusal to work with others, racism, extreme issues with class, sudden temper tantrums.

THE PRESCRIPTION
Take as needed, one chill pill with a large glass of reality….

All I’m really trying to say is that the LGBT community’s fight for same sex marriage is a very important cause with a more than worthy agenda. It’s a human rights issue without a doubt. But it should advance this agenda without dragging the Black Civil Rights Movement into their propaganda. As politically astute as the LGBT community has become in recent years, to simply gloss over their own dirty laundry which includes denying their own racism, classism and sometimes treating the bisexual and transgender communities as if they are evil step twins, is no way to move forward in unity as a movement. In other words, stop being such hypocrites.

No Day at the Beach

2009-05-24T06:07:00.009-04:00

No day at the beach.

I thought being by the ocean would be soothing.

Instead, the waves seem to be crashing against the surf brutally. Their roar seems furious - louder than usual. The sand feels coarse beneath my feet - I can feel shards of glass buried deep within the tiny granules. The wind whips my face so hard it stings. It is bitterly cold. I begin to feel myself shriveling into a knot of numbness.

Feeling this I realize that I am deeply, profoundly, sad. My sadness has subconsciously stretched itself into me, infiltrating every part of my being, every cell, every action, every thought, every emotion - from my brain to the very tips of my fingers. It has nuanced how I see life, how I feel life. It is shocking to comprehend this and to admit this to myself.

A flash of daylight filters my vision. Its 5:00am. Dawns first light is a gift. The sky is a certain blue, so patient, so peaceful. Grey waves roll infinitely into its own caress. My skin captures its moisture. The air is cool, crisp, fresh, filling my anxious lungs. The taste of sea salt is light against my lips. Its coaxing, pushing, moving, encouraging.

Quote Moment

2009-05-24T04:42:00.004-04:00

Whew....its been a while.

So, seems like a quote is in order.

“Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.”

Having said that...watch me try and dig myself out of this.

Feeling Like a Nina Simone Song

2009-04-25T16:01:00.005-04:00

This is my homage to the life of Ms. Nina Simone.

For some reason I was feeling something in the air. The Divine Ms. Nina Simone, The High Priestess of Soul, kept popping into my mind and her music kept randomly coming up in my music player. And when I realized that it was close to the anniversary of her death, April 21, 2003 - it made so much sense.

It was six years ago. I was rushing back to the office after an extra long lunch. I remember it was a beautiful, sunny day. My mind was focused on several projects in progress, knowing my work load was relentless and I would have to put in some serious overtime during the next few days. So I'm hurrying across Broadway when this beautiful sister rushes toward me. Her energy is anxious, but there is also this profound sense of calmness that balanced her. It compels me to stop right in my tracks - which in New York City is highly unusual - because people rarely stop to chat with strangers. She can barely look me in my eyes but when she does, for one fleeting moment, she asks me, "have you heard of Nina Simone?" I'm speechless at first, but I felt the urgent need to respond. And so I answer in one breath, "yes." In my hands, she thrusts a colorful flier detailing the rich life and the passing on of Ms. Simone. Then she says, "I'm her daughter, please come to her memorial service today in Harlem." And after having said this, Lisa Celeste Stroud (born the same year as me) rushes away across Broadway, fliers tucked securely beneath her arm - an intense woman in pain but in peaceful mourning of her extraordinary Mother. I'm flushed with emotion of what it means to lose someone close to me, particularly my own Mother whose birthday happens to be in April. I cannot even conceive what life would be like without my Mother on this earth-journey with me. I was touched in ways I hadn't felt in a long time. I remember feeling stunned, almost paralyzed as I'm staring at Lisa Celeste's (now known as Simone) back as she moved swiftly down Broadway - me wanting to talk to her, comfort her in some way - like was it even possible? It took me a moment before I could move again, to start walking back to my office. In that one moment in time, I was reminded that everything happens for a reason and that there are no coincidences. Seldom do random experiences stay with us - but that is one forever imprinted on my soul.

The 2009 White House Easter Egg Roll

2009-04-14T09:37:00.000-04:00

An Experience I will Never Forget....

When a friend of my partner asked whether or not our family would be interested in attending the 2009 White House Easter Egg Roll with the First Family - we jumped at the opportunity. We were even more inspired once we learned that there was a certain amount of tickets reserved for LGBT families to participate.

We arrived Easter Evening. Having made reservations at a nice restaurant within walking distance of our hotel - we enjoyed a fabulous Easter feast. Tyler was thrilled at the prospects of meeting President Obama - constantly asking us "will President Obama be there? Will he be upset if we're late tomorrow?" The only thing that could relax him was the nice hot chocolate "made from Verona chocolate" the host of the restaurant gave him as treat for dessert.

The next day we eased into the morning after having breakfast, flipping thru various channels featuring segments of the White House Easter Egg Roll. We couldn't help but feel the excitement - especially for our little one - who could envision the possibilities that he too, could possibly become a World Leader some day.

The White House was a nice walking distance. As we stood at the front of the White House - a motorcabe roared through - I couldn't help but to feel a rush as I gripped Tyler's hand tighter in my own. It was hard not to be in awe being this close to greatness. The crowds were thick but patient and respectful. The lines? Long and laborious but one could hardly hear a complaint, lest it was a restless toddler (and there were quite a few).

Once we reached the south lawn, despite the lines for all events from photo ops with PBS Kids television characters, the Egg Roll, Egg Hunt, Egg decorations, Kid's Kitchen, Soccer, Story Telling.......everyone, from children to parents/family members/care takers were on their best behavior as the sun slipped through the clouds ensuring that our special day in Washington DC was warm, civilized and unforgettable. Being this close to The Obama Family in 2009 was an experience we wanted our little one to always remember.

Quote Moment

2009-04-01T21:07:00.000-04:00

I love quotes.

So once in a while, I'll post one that I happen to be feeling really strongly about in any given moment.

Anais Nin.....her quotes always move me. This is one of hers.

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

She Panic Reading: March 25, 2009

2009-03-26T20:08:00.000-04:00

What a fabulous evening!

Charlie Vazquez of Fire King Press/Queer Latino Estoeric organized a marvelous line-up in honor of Women's Month with the theme: *multicultural meditations on female desire*. Nowhere was all aflame last night, the room filled with scintillating lit heat. My heart was also warmed by the cast of supporters that came out to hold me up. As some of you may know, readings are not my strong suit. I suffer from MAJOR performance anxiety syndrome. But for some reason, my inner warrior Goddess was awakened and I 'performed' just fine. Thank you EVERYONE for showing so much love for me and for the arts. And thanks to those who couldn't make the event - your positive energy was all around me holding me close (especially a certain someone very special to me - I love you, baby). I'm unsure when I'll be doing another reading, but stay close to Scribe Vibe for any and all updates.

Upcoming Reading THIS WEEK!!!!

2009-03-22T09:59:00.001-04:00

Not to be missed!

SHE-PANIC! At Nowhere, NYC

Wednesday, March 25th, 8PM sharp! 21+, Free

Charlie Vázquez hosts SHE-PANIC! *multicultural meditations on female desire*, a sensual evening of readings centered on the desire of creation, female desire, at Nowhere, NYC. Come grab a seat and listen to the lusty, multicultural exploits of erotica divas Martha Garvey, Mure Vyn, Rosalind Christine Lloyd, Llivia Llewellyn, Tiffany Lee Brown and Nora Robertson. I'll be happy to be hosting these ladies, who hail from the Pacific Northwest to Trinidad and beyond, and hope you will too...bring a friend and a smile.

Nowhere, 322 E 14th St (btwn 1st/2nd Aves), East Village, NYC
Wednesday, March 25th, 8PM sharp! 21+, Free

Special Note:
So it is RARE that I do a reading, so please come out if you can to support. You know I'm THE nervous nelly regarding these public speaking thangs - so bring a sister a valium if you're holding. :). See you there!

Firewood

2009-03-21T12:02:00.001-04:00

I took this photo while in Ghana and initially I referred to it as "Lady carrying firewood on the Cape Coast." Now, I simply call it "FIREWOOD."

ETERNITY

2009-03-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

Eternity
© 2007
Rosalind Christine Lloyd

Eternity;
Flung like a whisper of an aria,
against the thunder
of wonder
of an infinite, extended center
of waves of oceans that roam
and condone
the epicenter of
closed minds
that fail to find the soft strength
in endless waterfalls
that taste of golden inner peace.

The determined rush rush
of persistent showers that push push
into forever pools
that glisten like invisible jewels
that release a spectacular spray
of cerulean, slate, shades of blue, shades of grey
into bottomless vessels
of unlimited thresholds
of an undeniable existence
subconsciously conscious
or
consciously subconscious
Fluidly – Fluidity
Forever

Photography perhaps.....

2009-03-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

Creativity is Abstract.

Expressing myself has not always been fluid. But, my love of travel has turned my desire of documenting my adventures to something more aesthetically motivated. In other words, I'm into photography. I found not only does it capture moments in time, but it adds a special visual to something that I can put to words later.

In 2004 I spent some time in Italy. Many people are generally drawn to Florence, however, I was infatuated with Rome (and Venice). This particular photo is of Bar Toto in the Jewish Ghetto. What I find fascinating about visiting old cities is the combination of the new and the ancient. Is the marriage of the two disruptive or inevitable?

Temple

2009-02-28T08:45:00.000-05:00

This is a poem in progress. I've flirted with the art form. While I've discovered it is not my strong suit, I like to wing it when compelled.

Temple
by rosalind christine lloyd

Mind fuck-ing
Grey matters
Contorting, twisting into
Pinks, ochres, burnt sienna
Blazing golds across my mind
Body
Soul transporting
Sense of reality shifting
Time is slipping
Mind is slipping
Mine is slipping
Digitally enhanced
Filling empty fertile, greedy spaces
Lingering aches of smooth, supple surfaces
The salty sweet irresistible taste of reality
Heavy on my palate
Soaking my senses

Wrapping ones mind around the intensity of an unforgiving emptiness
That seeps into one’s cluttered, racing, conscious mind
Questioning the inevitability of a certain destiny
Deciding whether or not
to become some warrior against the war of fate
Wrapping one’s thighs around the possibility of what’s impossible
Wrapping one’s arms around the newness of something ancient
That’s warmer than the Egyptian summer sun
Heating the desert of
many lives past
A proverbial temple

The Process: February 2009

2009-02-08T07:50:00.000-05:00

In the quiet moments of the morning is when I have the most clarity. And this morning, I decided to conquer one of my greatests antagonists, Writer's Block.

Sometimes I’m not sure if I have intermittent writer’s block, or if I’m just struggling to piece together coherent blocks of time in which to write (could be both). So recently I’ve made a determined effort to to become inspired. Not necessarily by anything or anybody but I've found this renewed eagerness to find some spark, a glimmer of inspiration.

And so I’ve found a muse! Not the love of my life, not the little man that’s the quintessential apple of my eye - oh no, that's way too much pressure to put on them and me, especially at this awkward (uncreative) phase I’m in.

I’ve found a muse, in myself.

Not groundbreaking, I know. But to me, it’s a start.

I’ve been faced with a life size mirror and in order to enhance the clarity that I am seeking, in order to shake the blocks from their foundations, I’ve decided to go inside for a while. Not to be still - but to shake things up a bit.

Check back here to find out how it all turns out.

Because

2008-12-31T13:48:00.000-05:00

Because

by Rosalind Christine Lloyd

CHAPTER 2

I just opened up Revolution. It was the first week of the New Year. I plastered the large picture window with signs announcing the grand opening, promoting near Harlem Renaissance era prices of .10 for a cup of coffee and .25 espressos and lattes. My sister Alexis passed out complimentary mini cups of dark hot chocolate with puffy organic mini marshmallows while my best friend Peaches handed out glossy fliers to passersby. Peering out the window from the inside, I smiled at the ever fabulous Ms. Peaches, wrapped in a fluffy fake fur and matching hat looking every bit like the opera diva she trained to become. I insisted she didn’t have to sing for the crowds in her beautiful soprano – “don’t you know, we’re talking about a Revolution….” Not sounding like Tracy Chapman in the least but trust, Peaches wasn’t trying to. But I loved her enthusiasm. In fact, her voice had that high pitched sophistication that was not easily ignored called attention to her and to Revolution. It had to be at least 40 degrees outside and Ms. Peaches, who doesn’t like being cold or uncomfortable went above and beyond the call of duty to drum up business. Her fresh manicure, (can’t pass out fliers with unkempt hands she reasoned) fresh make-up and a few breath mints during breaks showed just how serious she was about the task at hand. But my sister Alexis was a stark contrast. Improperly dressed for the wintry temperature, A was rocking a trendy, lightweight but strictly inadequate, waist length parka with a mink trimmed collar, a tight pair of low rise True Religion straight legs and purple Uggs. Huge, bling-ish shades wrapped around her naturally pretty face as her long, dark brown hair blew in the wind making her look like an urban sorcerer. She fought to stabilize herself, struggling to balance the tray she gripped tightly between her finger-less gloved hands. I had to beg her not to have an American Spirit as an added appendage while handing out the hot drinks. And her way of preparing for our street level marketing blitz was running her fingers through her hair and tweaking a couple of lines in the café restroom. Don’t get me wrong. I love my sister. But to put it nicely, she is a bit of a hot mess. No, let me re-phrase that. She is in transition.

Inside, Revolution is humming. Jonah Robinson, this young, skinny, gender neutral, race neutral kid I hired as head barrister, is bobbing his head full of wild, unruly, tight curls to the beat of the piped in Jay-Z beat morphed into a soft jazz tune (Jonah calls it digitized elevator music). Expertly, he pours a pair of lattes in front of a happy customer who is impressed with his skills.

“Jonah. You are working the espresso machine! And the line is really moving. I’m feeling that.” I really was because he was the only person I interviewed who could make a latte and cappuccino better than I could. He placed the drinks in a cup holder, giving the customer a very professional send-off. A dollar tip slid into the tip cup as proof of her appreciation.

“You don’t know? I’ll have this thing paid for by the end of the week.” Jonah smiled holding up the dollar tip in one hand caressing a part of the espresso machine with the other.

The line snaked around the inside of the café, back toward the bookstore section in the back. This was where the display showcase, some might even call it a shrine to Christian Prakesh lived. People didn’t know what to make of it. Many only stared at it curiously because admittedly it stuck out within the midst of the bookstore interior rather ambiguously. To me, it was the perfect opportunity to establish an important introduction between my personal guru and the public at large. This was something I never really felt self conscious about but I knew as innocently as I felt about it, in time, I would experience a complete and utter loss of innocence over it. More on that later. Denise, another barrister, is pouring cups of regular coffee assembly line fashion. She collects dimes and quarters as customers pluck cups, many not stopping to add milk or sugar because of the crush of the crowds. Some rush out, many linger, taking in the surroundings.

While people wait on the long line inside, I hand out complimentary samples of sliced croissants and freshly baked carrot, raisin honey bran muffins from a wicker tray. The crowd is happy, almost festive. So am I.

Later that evening at closing, I’m busy counting cash from the cash register.

“Not bad for a grand opening, huh?” I was not disappointed about the day’s receipts.

“Not bad? What’s the translation of three hundred cups of coffee at ten cents a cup versus three hundred lattes at three bucks each?” Jonah quizzes as he briskly pushes a broom around the inside of the store.

“Hmmh. That translates to potential profit, baby.” Peaches answered, sitting at a table near the counter, sinking deeper into her fake fur while sipping a mug of spiked hot chocolate.

“Profit? Please. I know you’re not even trying to think about turning a profit. What the focus needs to be on is all that damn debt Taye’s accumulating before she can even think about anything close to a damn profit.” Alexis, looking her usual, painfully youthful but disheveled self, making her exit remark with a wrinkled cigarette hanging from her lips. As she walks, she stumbles in her Uggs before righting herself moving outside the café to smoke. In the process of her exit, she lets in an attractive young woman. We barely notice.

“Taye, your sister is such a lovely little optimist.” Peaches whispered into her hot chocolate.

“Oh like you didn’t know.” I answered back, losing count of the singles in my hand, grimacing before sucking in air between my teeth and clinched jaws, accepting the fact that I would have to begin counting the fat stack of bills all over again.

Jonah approaches the attractive young woman that Alexis let in.

“Hey, I’m sorry we’re closed.” Jonah was gentle and conciliatory.

“Jonah, we can stay open to serve one more. What can we get for you?” I asked, still focusing on counting cash, only far more discreetly this time. I hardly notice the young woman smiling warmly at me as she approaches the counter. She has a messenger bag strapped to her torso and she’s carrying a couple of books underneath her arm.

“I really appreciate it. A soy latte decaf please, if it’s not too much trouble.” Her voice resonates with ease. It isn’t high pitch, nor is it low. But it’s mature. It’s soothing. I imagined it was a good voice for books on tape. It made me look up at her.

“No problem. Coming right up.” I stopped counting money, moving toward the espresso machine. Her face was as pleasant as her voice. Pleasant not in any derogatory way but only in the nicest of ways. My grandma would always call big girls or homely girls, pleasant looking. In the corner of my eye I could see Jonah and Peaches quietly sizing up the last customer of the day while I prepared her drink order.

The attractive young woman starts looking around the café discreetly.

“This is cool. We definitely needed a café around here.” She sounded genuinely content about my existence. Well, the existence of Revolution. But I remained quiet.

“You live in the neighborhood?” Jonah had begun to prove himself to be boundary free. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it just yet.

“Yes. I do. And my French press has seen better days.” For some reason, I felt her eyes narrow on me when she said it. Speaking directly to me.

“Cool.” Jonah replied in that who knew black folks knew anything about coffee, voice.

I hand the cup to the attractive young woman. Caressing the paper cup with both hands she takes a sip, squeezing her eyes together as she swallows. She was so demonstrative. Probably an actress.

“Mmmmm. Nice. What do I owe you?” Again, she is staring right at me. Which I mean, is okay, only Jonah is the one standing at the register. I just made the latte.

“Our opening special today was .25 lattes but this one’s on the house.” I managed a grin. That was about all I was capable of after opening day.

“Really? That’s really nice. Thanks. Welcome to the neighborhood Attractive woman starts walking backwards toward the door, raising her cup in appreciation before taking another sip.”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

As attractive young woman leaves, Jonah follows close behind letting Alexis back inside after her cigarette break before locking the door behind her.

“And do come again.” Jonah lingers by the window, watching attractive woman walk away.

“I’ve seen many of Harlem’s finest come in here today, Taye but none of them as hot as her.” As if Jonah cared. There was not a woman in the universe, no matter how beautiful she is, that Jonah would ever be interested in.

“Honestly I wasn’t paying attention.” I had to say that. Being single sucked not because you weren’t partnered up with anyone but because people were always trying to fix you up with someone you had absolutely no interest in. Happens all the time.

“Girlfriend was too busy counting all that money to notice.” Peaches backed me up as she got up to give Jonah her hot chocolate cup and saucer.

“Won’t make a dent in all those outstanding bills piling up like crazy.” Alexis could be so damn cranky.

“Taye, you can’t say she wasn’t pretty. In fact, I think she was flirting with you. Wasn’t she PEACHES?” Jonah pushed. But Peaches wasn’t biting, her head bounced around like a bobble head not entirely sure.

“Jonah, not only was she not my type, but really, I’m too busy focusing on running this business right now. Having a love life isn’t high on my list of priorities so while I welcome the business, I’m not trying to fraternize with the customers. You might try that philosophy yourself.” Although I didn’t mind fraternizing with my staff, I wanted them to be as professional as possible. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Okay, now I know you are not trying to convince Jonah that he should keep it in his pants. He couldn’t do that the minute he got his first erection what, over 20 years ago?” Peaches and Jonah are first cousins. And she didn’t have to beg me to hire her cousin who just so happened to have had two years experience at the big American coffee conglomerate. So for many reasons hiring him was a no brainer.

“You never lie.” Jonah agreed.

“But the problem is, Jonah and I have the same taste in men. Except I prefer mine straight.” With a hard roll of her eyes, Peaches snapped her neck before taking a sip of her chocolate.

“You can keep the straight ones, girl. I’ll take the rest.” Jonah smiled, clutching a pair of invisible pearls around his neck.

“And as for you, Taye, while on the topic of keeping things in one’s pants, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? How do I say this without sounding…… I’m terrible at censoring myself. Listen, can I suggest a stroke of lip glass. Maybe a nice conditioner for that gorgeous, thick head of hair of yours. It’s the little things that go a long way. Like a cute blouse? Some sexy leggings? A pair of high heel boots would look so damn hot behind that counter. Because honestly, I am not feeling this all work, no play vibe you’re rocking. You’re ambitious, motivated and I think that’s great, better yet – it’s fabulous. But you gotta remember to have some fun too, baby. You can work hard, but you’re entitled to play hard too. Kills me how people work so hard and don’t know how to enjoy the fruits of their hard labor.”

“Preach, cuz. I second that emotion.” Jonah added.

Because

2008-11-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Is there a right way to break someone’s heart?

If you’ve ever been a victim of rejection or unrequited desire, you might be able to relate to this tale. You might even root for me in the end. On the other hand, if you have not had the misfortune of experiencing the pain of being unceremoniously spurned, then maybe it’s possible that you may have in fact been on the opposite end of this scenario. In other words, if you happen to be a real heart breaker – then this story is dedicated to you.

And it is in this spirit that I must confess, that I’m not entirely proud of the story I’m about to tell.

Indigo Parker. The name still sends shivers through me. The woman was in a word: stunning. I mean, in an unbelievably blinding way. Now I say this because normally, I don’t find myself attracted to this type of woman. Call me strange, but the superficiality of good looks is not sexy enough to keep me interested. It’s just not. I find myself drawn to things like a crooked smile that sets my heart on fire. Or a subtle scar that I can’t avoid tracing with a finger. What keeps my attention is a brilliantly unforgettable quote, a flawlessly prepared vegetarian dinner, a respectable reading list absent of best sellers, a stylishly decorated home filled with eclectic, even personally hand crafted objects. To me, all that’s hot - all perfectly acceptable attributes in a woman as far as I’m concerned. A woman who possesses a sublime physical beauty rarely turns my head. Until Indigo kicked in the door to my heart, set it on fire leaving practically nothing in its place. I was completely and totally destroyed.

You see, Indigo Parker was not only heterosexual – something I could not hold against her. But she was a homophobe. You know, there’s hopelessly straight and then there’s straight-up homophobic. And she was one who happened to be very vocal about her position. She was the type that enjoyed reminding the world about the virtues of her orientation and how she couldn’t possibly live without the very concept of the opposite sex. She was the type that would make a biological lesbian like myself actually feel ashamed about liking pussy as much as I did. It was that intense.

*

I own a coffee shop and bookstore in the base of the residential building where Indigo lived. She would come into the shop all the time, sometimes with some pretty boy some darker shade of brown – men who looked like they could have been fresh off the runway for Marc Jacobs or Versace or Sean John. Overly coiffed metrosexual brothers with chiseled cheeks, eight pack ripples on their smooth bodies with carved muscles and pouty lips, penetrating stares. Pretty, pretty boys with a purely gay masculinity. I couldn’t figure it out. There are fag-hags and there are those you just can’t quite figure out. Some even went as far as to marry these men – think Terry Macmillian, Star Jones, Tracy Edmonds, Chante Moore. Indigo fell right into this questionable category with an almost too cozy ease.

When she began coming into the shop, I was instantly floored by her. This was when the trouble began.

President-Elect Obama

2008-11-18T15:54:00.000-05:00

To say that I am speechless, humbly, by our newly elected President Barack Obama - is a natural understatement for me. Even as I blindly stumble through this suffocating block, it would be unfair not to record the overwhelmingly abundance of emotion that I continue to experience in light of recent political events. Our ancestors would be proud.

Welcome

2008-09-13T06:59:00.000-04:00

Welcome to this beautiful chaos. One of my favorites, Anais Nin, once said "in chaos there is fertility." So with this in mind, I forge ahead at my own timeless pace toward establishing my writing career, avoiding the oppressive pregnant pauses I'm so accustomed to. To All Witnesses: BEWARE.

Translove: Is Preference More About Desire Or Is It Political?

2008-09-06T21:44:00.001-04:00

Translove: Is Preference More About Desire Or Is It Political?

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